Tuesday, October 10, 2006

An Unwanted Journey: Day 0322 - Continuing Side Effects

No matter how much you hear about it, no matter how prepared you think you are, no matter how much you have researched the topic, the continuity of chemotherapy side effects after chemotherapy has stopped is still a surprise.

I mentioned in an earlier post how I was counting backwards from the time of my last chemotherapy treatment in order to provide myself with some perspective on side effects. Yeah, I'm doing that. But still, Monday night's diarrhea and sore bottom, which continued into Tuesday, thoroughly pissed me off. Here I was visiting the washroom every 50 minutes or so, swearing at myself and angry that I would have to miss yet another day at work. What made it worse was that it was happening almost exactly as if I had a chemotherapy treatment last Friday. But I hadn't. I enjoyed a fairly decent Thanksgiving weekend with my family, with a sore butt and tentative though I might have been in our excursions, but then Monday evening comes along and I am apparently betrayed yet again by my body.

Perhaps my attitude sucks. Perhaps I need to be thinking more about the benefits of being through chemotherapy. I recognize the wisdom in that advice, but I still have to recognize the feelings of frustration and write it out of my system. So, I guess this blog entry is pretty much self-indulgent. Thanks for listening...

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