I find myself in an awkward position these days. I am suffering pain that I truly believe is hindering my efforts at recovering from surgery and subsequent complications. On the one hand, I'd like to be able to assign responsibility for diagnosing the problem and fixing it to a suitable medical authority. On the other hand, I recognize the complexities and timing of presenting symptoms have everything to do with diagnosis and treatment.
Some of the medical personnel (not to mention family and friends) I'm talking to in the past few days have voiced their own frustration. In doing so, they seem to imply that somebody isn't doing their job. That's not my take on things right now. Talk to me in another week; if I'm not making progress on diagnosis and treatment of my pain, then I'll very likely be willing to assign blame. But I fully expect that we will make good progress this next week in figuring out what's going on, where it's occurring, and what to do to deal with the symptoms.
But I'm going for the cure here, as the medical oncologist put it so succinctly yesterday in our consultation. I'm not interested in wasting energy and effort on anything which doesn't directly contribute to a cure. I owe it to myself. I owe it to my family and friends. And I owe it to the entire Ontario medical system. I hope my blog entries reflect that attitude.
I want my attitude to be one of gathering and sharing appropriate information about rectal cancer and its treatment. I want it to be one of cooperation with the entire medical team who are committing themselves to help me achieve a cure. I want it to be one of fairness and objectivity. I want it to be life enhancing.