Thursday, July 10, 2008

An Unwanted Journey: Day 0958 - Anticipation

What do you do when you're waiting to hear an oncologist tell you that your cancer is back?

In my case, I work, I watch television (mainly comedies and sports), I write, I read, I talk to family and friends, I kiss my wife and hug my sons, and I think...or, more accurately, I anticipate. Will I be eligible for liver surgery? Will they want to do chemotherapy right away? Will they want another colonoscopy? Will they want a biopsy?

Even more importantly, will my career take another body blow? Will I gradually get pushed to the sidelines as treatment interferes with just about everything? Will I survive for a few more years? Will I survive for a few more months?

I know...just a little morbid. Anticipation isn't as useful as some of the other strategies I use. The problem is it's the default strategy when the others aren't available as options.

Tomorrow I get some answers. Then, I'll have more questions. Then more waiting and more anticipation.

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